goblin.page

Goblin reads your landing page like a reasonable creature who has seen too many of them and is no longer impressed. Goblin scores it on twelve things.

free partial roast first

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$29 for the full report

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no account needed

What Goblin Looks At

Twelve things, scored.

Same rubric every time. Goblin does not grade on a curve. Goblin does not soften it because you tried hard.

    above the fold

  • 01

    Hero clarity

    who is this for and what does it do.

  • 02

    Value prop specificity

    concrete promise or vague aspiration.

  • 03

    CTA prominence

    one clear action. visible.

  • 04

    Trust signals

    logos, names, numbers. or nothing.

    content quality

  • 05

    Copy concreteness

    real outcomes or marketing speak.

  • 06

    Social proof depth

    named customers or "happy users".

  • 07

    Objection handling

    does it address what makes buyers hesitate.

    design and ux

  • 08

    Visual hierarchy

    does the eye know where to go.

  • 09

    Mobile rendering

    does it work on a real phone.

  • 10

    Page speed signals

    first paint. layout shift. the boring stuff.

    conversion mechanics

  • 11

    Form and CTA friction

    how many fields. how many clicks. how much pain.

  • 12

    Pricing clarity

    is the price visible. is it simple.

What You Get

Two roasts. One free. One worth it.

Occasionally people pay Goblin to read their landing page and tell them what's wrong with it.

Free

$0

→ Overall letter grade

→ 3 of 12 dimensions revealed

→ Goblin's verdict on the worst three

→ Shareable result URL

→ No rewrites. No benchmarks.

Full Roast

$29

→ All 12 dimensions scored

→ 3 rewrites per copy problem

→ Benchmarks vs converting pages

→ PDF you can keep

→ Shareable URL for your team

questions goblin gets a lot

Things humans ask.

Is Goblin actually mean?

Goblin is honest. Sometimes that overlaps with mean. Goblin roasts the page, never the person. If you wanted gentle feedback you already have a co-founder.

What if my page is genuinely good?

Then Goblin will tell you so. Begrudgingly. With evidence. This is rare.

How long does it take?

Usually 30 to 60 seconds. Goblin reads at industrial speeds.

What pages can Goblin roast?

Most public landing pages. SaaS, mobile apps, agencies, courses, e-commerce. Goblin does not roast password-protected pages or internal dashboards. Those are not landing pages.

What if Goblin gets it wrong?

Goblin is opinionated, not infallible. Take what is useful. Ignore what is not. Email Goblin if Goblin missed something obvious. Goblin will grumble. Goblin will learn.

Refunds?

If the report is broken or genuinely unhelpful, Goblin refunds you. Email Goblin. No process.